Dear Danno,
Was it Sir Isaac Newton who discovered the laws of
gravity?
signed...Student in Columbia
Dear Student,
Of course not. He discovered Fig Newtons!
Dear Danno,
Do you believe in extra terrestials?
signed...X-Files Fan in Philadelphia>
Dear Fan,
I'm not sure I believe in terrestials...so I'm not
sure I believe in there being any extra ones.
Dear Danno,
Don't you have any morals?
signed...No Fan in Fairmont>
Dear No Fan,
Yes I do. I have a nice moral on my living room wall
of an Italian landscape...almost looks like one
Michelangelo would paint himself!
Dear Danno,
What is the theory of relativity?
signed...Science Major in Oneonta
Dear Science Major,
The theory is: You start out with your own
relatives. You get married, and you're stuck with
relatives you don't want or need.
Dear Danno,
Did William Marconi invent the first radio?
signed....Studier in St. Paul
Dear Studier,
No...he invented Marconi and cheese.
Dear Danno,
Do you think Microsoft is creating a monopoly as the
government claims?
signed...Wondering in Alberta
Dear Wondering,
No. Microsoft creates computers. Milton Bradley
makes Monopoly. You may want to catch up on world
events before writing such a silly letter to me.
Dear Danno,
How many stars are there in the galaxy?
signed....Gazing in Georgia
Dear Gazing,
I'm not sure. It depends on whether or not you'd
consider Pee Wee Herman to be a star.
Dear Danno,
I'm disgusted with our so-called Justice System.
Isn't there anything we can do to those who commit
serious offenses? There must be a way to deal with
people who have no principals!
signed...Outraged in Oswego
Dear Outraged,
We DO have an alternate way of dealing with
people who have no integrity. It's called the Jerry
Springer Show.
Dear Danno,
Did you know that you are very popular here in
France?
signed...Proud in Paris
Dear Proud in Paris,
Really? Well Gracias and buenos dias to you.
Arrivaderci...
Dear Danno,
My neighbor just installed a ten foot fence, and I am
outraged! This fence is an eye soar for our
community. Do I have any recourse?
signed...Angry neighbor in Akron
Dear Angry,
I would protest! Simply pickett the fence!
Dear Danno,
This may be an odd question...The other day I heard
someone describe the act of urination as having to go
"number one". Who put a number on this. Who would
even think of doing such a thing?
signed...Curious in California
Dear Curious,
Obviously, it was thought of by some
"number two-for-brains"
Dear Danno,
Have you made any New Years resolutions for 1998?
signed...Fan in Peoria
Dear Fan,
Yes...the same resolutions I have broken from 1980
through 1997.
Dear Danno,
Thanks for a great 1997!
signed...Anonymous in Norfolk
Dear Anonymous,
Your welcome...but whichever one of my girlfriends
wrote this letter...please don't tell my
wife!