Danno's Answers to Dumb Questions




Dear Danno,
I am out on bond for the moment, but I am about to be convicted of a crime, and I am almost certain to face jailtime. I am scared Danno. I have heard horror stories about prison. What can I do to make friends in jail so that my stay will be painless?
signed...Debt Payer in Denton

Dear Debt,
I have heard that the best way to survive in prison is to be nice and do favors for your fellow inmates. You want to make them appreciate you. I've heard that the biggest favor you can do to gain friendship is for you to pick up their soap should they drop it in the shower. I'm sure you will make many friends that way!


Dear Danno,
Yo dude. I have heard that there were some doctor dudes that like can give out marijuana as a perscrip...prescrt...medicine to cure my pains and illnesses. Can you like recome...reccoom... tell me one of these guys? Thanks Dude...
signed...Wasted in Margaruitaville

Dear Wasted,
Yes...see a Dr. Kervorkian and tell him that you need something to make the constant pain go away. I'm sure he can help!


Dear Danno,
How did woodpeckers get their name?
signed...Interested in Idaho

Dear Interested,
You also need to see a Dr. Kervorkian and tell him that you need something to make the constant pain go away. I'm sure he can help!


Dear Danno,
I would just like your readers to know that there is indeed a Heaven! I should know because I was dead for almost five minutes, and I experienced it first hand. It was wonderful. I am enclosing my real name in case any of your readers would like to contact me. Thanks Danno!
signed...Kristen Kiely in Kernville

Dear Kristen,
What do you know...a born again Kristen!


Dear Danno,
What exactly are Beanie Babies? I've heard alot of talk about them.
signed...Curious in Flanders

Dear Curious,
They are little six inch Jewish man dolls that wear those beanies on their heads. It is the biggest thing to hit Israel since G.I.Jew...


Dear Danno,
I need help! I am addicted to the gameshow "Wheel of Fortune". I never miss a show, and I have ruined my marriage as a result of my obsession! What can I do to get help?
signed...Wheel Junkie in Wyoming

Dear Wheel,
Famous phrase: A_K ME IF I GIVE A _HIT!


Dear Danno,
Is Club Med for doctors only...or can anyone go there?
signed...Vacationer in Vestal

Dear Vacationer,
See a Dr. Kervorkian and tell him you need something to make the constant pain go away. I'm sure he can help!


Dear Danno,
What exactly is a handicap in golf?
signed...Wondering in South Dakota

Dear Wondering,
The only handicap I face on the golf course is when the beer is gone.


Dear Danno,
I found a stray cat last month. I decided to take the cat in and give it a nice home. Well...this cat is now destrying my home! It has ruined my carpets and furniture! My problem is that my children have fallen in love with "Mr. Puffy", as we call him. They will be upset if I get rid of him. What should I do?
signed...Disgusted in Davie

Dear Disgusted,
I would intoduce Mr. Puffy to Mr. Michelin



See you next week!

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