Dear Readers: From time to time I get letters from kids. Because they are so impressionable, I try to be extremely sensitive to their needs, and I must admit that I do a pretty good job of it! So sit back and perhaps you can learn a thing or two about dealing with children.
Dear Danno,
I am a five year old boy named Jimmy. I would like to know when the deadline is for writing a letter to Santa.
Dear Jimmy,
Save yourself the time and trouble. There's no such thing as Santa Claus!
Dear Danno,
My name is Mary and I am four years old. When I lose a tooth, the tooth fairy gives me a quarter. When my friend Kristie loses a tooth, the fairy gives her a dollar. Why does she get more than me?
Dear Mary
That's because her tooth fairy loves her more than your tooth fairy loves you! By the way, there's no such thing as a tooth fairy. It's your Mom or Dad.
Dear Danno,
My name is Willie and I am ten years old. I hate history in school! Why do we need to learn history?
Dear Willie,
I agree...who needs to know that Magellin invented the radio, or that Eli Whitney discovered Cuba? It's a shame, but I guess the lawmakers who created the Constitution, like Napoleon and Thomas Edison had their reasons. Just bare with it til' you are old enough to drop out of school
Dear Danno,
I am writing this letter to you with my five year old son Tommy sitting next to me. He is afraid to go to the dentist. I've told him how important it is, but he is still worried. I was hoping you could say something to convince him that he needs to visit the dentist. We will read your response together, so I would appreciate your help. Can you convince him?
Dear Tommy,
Look kid....if you don't go to the dentist, your pee pee will fall off! Hope that does the trick Mom (wink)
Dear Danno,
Joey is my name and I am thirteen. I am starting to grow hair in funny places. Is this normal?
Dear Joey,
Don't mean to scare you....but no!
Dear Danno,
My name is Julie and I am nine years old. Because it's almost Halloween, I was wondering what your favorite candy was?
Dear Julie,
It would have to be Candy McGregor...she was unbelievable!
Dear Danno,
My name is Debbie and I am twelve. Mom told me I will be getting a menstral cycle soon. What exactly is that?
Dear Debbie,
It is a bicycle made by Schwin. Once you get one, you get moody, depressed, and demanding while riding it!
Dear Santa,
My name is Kevin and I have been a good boy this year. I would like a shiny new bicycle for Christmas. I want a red one with neat handle bars. I hope I really get it. Thanks Santa!
Dear Kevin,
How cute. You accidently mailed me a letter to Santa in error. However, I happen to be close friends with Santa, so I will tell him to get you a new bicycle. In fact...he just received a shipment of brand new menstral cycles. I will pass your letter on!
Dear Danno,
My name is Barbara and I am ten years old. Can fairy tales come true?
Dear Barbara,
Oh yes...I had a fairy tale come true with Candy McGregor and Susan Blojabowitz. When you get older, I'll fill you in.
Dear Danno,
My name is Karen and I am seven years old. Can you tell me a good fairy tale?
Dear Karen,
Once upon a time there were these three bears...a Papa bear, a mama bear, and a baby bear. One day they decided to go to the mall to maul. While they were gone, some chick named Goldielocks, who had a crminal record for breaking and entering, trespassed on their property. She went into the house and saw three bowls of porridge. She sat down at Pappa Bears and tasted the porridge despite having menangitis. "This porridge sucks", she said. Then needing a rest she saw three chairs. She sat in baby bears chair and busted it. It was made in Korea. She then decided to take a nap. She hopped into Papa Bear's bed and didn't like the stains she saw. She then wondered why the hell Papa and Mama Bear had seperate beds anyway. So she went into baby bears bed and fell asleep. When the three bears got home, they clawed her to death. The end. Hope you enjoyed the story.
remember...these letters aren't real.....see you next week!
HOME