Dear Danno,
My three year old son is having trouble going to the bathroom. What can we do?
Signed…Mother in Maine
DEAR MOTHER IN MAINE,
YOU NEED TO BUY THESE THINGS CALLED SUPOTTYTORIES. STICK THESE THINGS UP THE KIDS HINEY, HE’LL GO IN NO TIME!
Dear Danno,
My six year old is having trouble with his bowel movements. What can we do to correct this?
Signed…Concerned in Cedar
DEAR CONCERNED,
THE BOWELS, BETTER KNOWN AS A,E,I,O, AND U, ARE DIFFICULT FOR ALL KIDS. HE’LL LEARN MORE IN THE THIRD AND FOURTH GRADE.
Dear Danno,
After going to the bathroom, my son’s stool is extremely dark in color. Is this normal?
Signed…Uncertain in Uttica
DEAR UNCERTAIN,
I DON’T KNOW. IS HE GOING TO THE BATHROOM WHILE SITTING ON A STOOL? IF SO, THAT IS THE REASON FOR THE STOOL BECOMING DARK COLORED. MAKE SURE HE GOES TO THE BATHROOM ON THE TOILET AND NOT ON A STOOL.
Dear Danno,
What is the best way to toilet train your child?
Signed…Struggling in Sacramento
DEAR STRUGGLING,
WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU WANT YOUR KID TO TRAIN THE TOILET TO DO?
Dear Danno,
What do I do if my daughter’s stool is too hard after going to the bathroom?
Signed…Trying in Tacoma
DEAR TRYING,
ANOTHER STOOL PROBLEM…BUY HER A CUSHION FOR HER STOOL. THAT SHOULD MAKE IT FEEL SOFTER.
Dear Danno,
I’m thinking about breast-feeding my newborn child when he or she arrives. Do you recommend buying a pump?
Signed…Expecting in Evansville
DEAR EXPECTING,
WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO INFLATE YOUR BREASTS? I’M SURE THEY’LL BE BIG ENOUGH.
Dear Danno,
Is breast milk good for babies?
Signed…Not Sure in Nantucket
DEAR NOT SURE,
IT DOESN’T SOUND ANY WORSE THAN GIVING THE KID MILK THAT CAME FROM THE UTTER OF A COW WHO WAS MILKED BY A FARMER NAMED BUBBA WHO’S CHEWING TOBACCO WHILE DOING THE MILKING.
Dear Danno,
My kids complain that I cook the same meals over and over again. They would like me to try something new. While looking at various cookbooks, I saw that there are countries overseas that actually cook and serve donkey meat. Is this true, and if so, should I try it?
Signed…Wondering in Witchita
DEAR WONDERING,
WHY NOT? WHAT KID WOULDN’T WANT A GOOD PIECE OF ASS?
Dear Danno,
My ten year old wants to know about the facts of life. Should I tell him?
Signed….Nervous Mom in Michigan
DEAR NERVOUS MOM,
SURE, IT WAS A FUNNY TV SHOW. CHARLOTTE RAE WAS A HOOT.
Dear Danno,
My nine year old son Kenny just received a bill from the IRS claiming he owes $16,000 in back taxes. Needless to say, it is an error. What should we do?
Signed…Outraged in Oklahoma
DEAR OUTRAGED,
OH MY GOD, THEY BILLED KENNY….YOU BASTARDS!
Dear Danno,
My son wants to know the name of the instrument that is used for circumcisions. Can you help us?
Signed….Needing a tip in Aspen
DEAR NEEDING,
I GUESS IT’S CALLED A CIRCUMSCISSOR.
Dear Danno,
What exactly does a rabbi do with the penis tips he gets after performing circumcisions?
Signed…Unaware in Biloxi
DEAR UNAWARE,
I KNOW ONE RABBI, WHO SEWED THE TIPS TOGETHER TO MAKE AND SELL LADIES PURSES AND/OR POCKETBOOKS. AS I UNDERSTAND IT, IF YOU CARESSED THE PURSE GENTLY, IT TURNED INTO A SUITCASE.
Dear Danno,
My son, the future lawyer, is about to take the Bar exam. Do you have any advice?
Signed…Worried Dad in Walkertown
DEAR WORRIED,
HE SIMPLY NEEDS TO STUDY. THE QUESTIONS ABOUT IMPORTED BEERS ARE PARTICULARLY DIFFICULT. NO ONE SAID THE BAR EXAM WAS EASY.
Click on Bugs to go back HOME!