More Sexual Advice from Danno


Dear Danno,
My wife's best friend told her that if we bought adult toys, it would improve our sex life. Is that true?
signed....Husband in Hoganville

DEAR HUSBAND,
I DON'T THINK THAT'S TRUE. I RECENTLY BOUGHT SCRABBLE FOR MY WIFE AND I TO PLAY, BUT IT HASN'T HELPED OUR SEX LIFE ONE BIT.


Dear Danno,
My wife wants me to have a vasectomy, but I don't want to. What should I do? Are they dangerous?
signed...Nervous in New Orleans

DEAR NERVOUS,
I CONSULTED AN EXPERT ON THE SUBJECT...DR. DICK CUTTER OF THE LOCAL CLINIC. HE GAVE ME SOME COCKANDMAMEME STORY, SO YOU'LL HAVE TO DECIDE FOR YOURSELF...BUT I CERTAINLY DON'T ENVY YOU.


Dear Danno,
I thought you might enjoy a picture of my wife in the nude, so I have enclosed her photo. Don't you think she's hot? I hope you enjoy it.
signed...Voyeur in Virginia

DEAR VOYEUR,
THANKS...BUT I ALREADY HAD A NUDE PICTURE OF YOUR WIFE. I USED MY POLAROID. THANKS ANYWAY.


Dear Danno,
How long should foreplay last?
signed...Woman in Wyoming

DEAR WOMAN,
...FORE MINUTES...


Dear Danno,
My wife thinks I climax too early after we begin making love. Is there any way to prolong that?
signed...Quick shooter in Quebec

DEAR QUICK,
WELL, THE STANDARD ANSWER IS FOR YOU TO THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE THAT DOES NOT AROUSE, STIMULATE, OR EXCITE YOU WHILE YOU ARE HAVING SEX. IF YOU HAVE AN ATTRACTIVE WIFE, SIMPLY THINK OF DEAD KITTENS OR SOMETHING SIMILAR. THIS SHOULD PROLONG CLIMAX BY 8.4 MINUTES. IF YOU HAVE AN UGLY WIFE...SIMPLY KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN AND LOOK AT HER DURING SEX. THIS SHOULD PROLONG CLIMAX FOR 28.4 MINUTES...BUT BEWARE, THIS METHOD COULD RESULT IN NO CLIMAX AT ALL, SO USE EXTREME CAUTION.


Dear Danno,
Can a marriage counseler help improve my sex life?
signed...Unsteady in Urbine

DEAR UNSTEADY,
IT HELPED A FRIEND OF MINE WITH HIS SEX LIFE. IN FACT...HE SAID THE SEX WITH HIS MARRIAGE COUNSELER WAS THE BEST SEX HE EVER HAD.


Dear Danno,
I'm thinking of having my vasectomy reversed. Do you know of a good surgeon?
signed...Anxious in Astoria

DEAR ANXIOUS,
YES...DR P.P. MENDER OF THE BRONX "ONE STOP" CLINIC.


Dear Danno,
How many sexual partners have you had?
signed...Curious in Colorado

DEAR CURIOUS,
IT DEPENDS WHO I AM SPEAKING WITH. MY GIRLFRIEND THINKS I'VE HAD ABOUT 20. MY MOTHER THINKS I AM STILL A VIRGIN. MY PSYCHIATRIST THINKS I HAVE HAD ABOUT 12, AND MY WIFE THINKS I'VE HAD 2.


Dear Danno,
What time of the day do you think is the best time to have sex?
signed....Fan in Franklin

DEAR FAN,
LET ME CHECK MY SCHEDULE, AND I'LL GET BACK TO YOU, BUT I THINK I'M FREE FRIDAY NIGHT. I'LL CALL YOU.



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