The other day, I accidentally ran over a mailbox.
I saw some letters to Santa. I decided to intercept those letters,
because I know Santa is very busy this time of year. So I, pretending
to be Santa Claus, responded to these kids letters.
Dear Santa,
I saw you kissing my Mommy last year.
Signed…6 Year Old Suzie in St. Louis
DEAR SUZIE,
I DID MORE THAN JUST KISS HER KID….
Dear Santa,
Can I have a Furby for Christmas?
Signed…8 year old Cindy in Calgary
DEAR CINDY,
YEAH SURE…FOR $200…
Dear Santa,
Can I have a new bicycle for Christmas?
Signed…9 Year Old Jennifer in Jacksonville
DEAR JENNIFER,
WAIT ANOTHER 5 YEARS AND I’LL BE BRINGING YOU A BRAND NEW MENSTRUAL CYCLE.
Dear Santa,
My family is poor, and we can’t afford to leave milk
and cookies for you this year. I hope you’ll be understanding, and bring
me toys anyway.
Signed…6 Year Old Jimmy in San Francisco
DEAR JIMMY,
HO HO HO…WHAT A CUTE LETTER. SANTA HAS ONLY THREE RULES:
1) SANTA HELPS THOSE LESS FORTUNATE THAN OTHERS
2) SANTA DOES NOT DISCRIMINATE
3) NO MILK AND COOKIES…..NO TOYS
SORRY KID…
Dear Santa,
Have you ever hit a bird while flying in your sleigh?
Signed…6 Year Old MichelLe in Morgantown
DEAR MICHELLE,
UNFORTUNATELY….NO.
Dear Santa,
All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth
Signed…5 year old Billy in Madison
DEAR BILLY,
OK…I’LL GIVE THE SONY PLAYSTATION, CD PLAYER, AND THE
OTHER 20 GIFTS I HAD FOR YOU TO OTHER CHILDREN. STUPID KID….
Dear Santa,
Is it true that you like milk and cookies left for
you on Christmas Eve?
Signed…7 year old Davey in Dallas
DEAR DAVEY,
WELL…THIS YEAR, INSTEAD OF COOKIES, SANTA WOULD LIKE ALL OF YOU
NICE BOYS AND GIRLS TO LEAVE YOUR PARENTS EXPENSIVE
JEWELRY FOR ME. REMEMBER KIDS… NO JEWELRY, NO TOYS FOR YOU.
Dear Santa,
Who thought of those ridiculous names for your reindeer?
Signed…9 year old Kenny in Kentucky
DEAR KENNY,
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THEIR NAMES? I THOUGHT DASHER,
DANCER, PRANCER, AND VIXEN, COMET, CUPID, DONDER, BLITZEN, AND
RUDOLPH SOUNDED BETTER THAN REINDEER1, REINDEER2, REINDEER3, REINDEER4,
REINDEER5, REINDEER6, REINDEER7, REINDEER8, AND THE ONE WITH THE RED NOSE.
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